朗阁雅思20140124剑九写作考官范文剖析之TEST3 TASK2

朗阁20140124雅思剑九写作考官

范文剖析之TEST3 TASK2

朗阁海外考试研究中心

2013年发布的《剑桥雅思真题集9》给广大考生带来了新一轮的考试方向的指引。从官方提供的真题集中，朗阁海外考试研究中心的专家们总结了一些考试的动向和未来考试发展的趋势。同时，在剑桥9的Test2大作文中，也出现了“逆天”的所谓朴素8分作文。但是事实上，除了该篇以外，另外的三篇考官范文继续保持了以前剑桥真题相当的可读性、难度和地道性。这绝对说明，考试的评分标准并未发生变化，并且从语言的美感和内容逻辑性的要求来看，雅思考试一如既往对考生提出了相当的要求。朗阁海外考试研究中心写作组的专家就剑九所提供的考官范文，分别进行详尽的剖析。本文将以剑九TEST3 TASK2为主要切入点进行解析。

题目如下：

Some people say that the best way to improve the public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

正文内容：

A problem of modern societies is the declining level of health in the general population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend. One possible solution is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more active lifestyle.

Advocates of this believe that today’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful working conditions mean that physical activity is no longer part of either our work or our leisure time. If there were easy-to-reach local sports centres, we would be more likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives, rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening. The variety of sports that could be offered would cater for all ages, levels of fitness and interests: those with painful memories of PE at school might be happier in the swimming pool than on the football pitch.

However, there may be better ways of tackling this problem. Interest in sport is not universal, and additional facilities might simply attract the already fit, not those who most need them. Physical activity could be encouraged relatively cheaply, for example by installing exercise equipment in parks, as my local council has done. This has the added benefit that parents and children often use them together just for fun, which develops a positive attitude to exercise at an early age.

As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food products, tobacco and alcohol, as excessive consumption of any of these contributes to poor health. Even improving public transport would help: it takes longer to walk to the bus stop than to the car.

In my opinion, focusing on sports facilities is too narrow an approach and would not have the desired results. People should be encouraged not only to be more physically active but also to adopt a healthier lifestyle in general.

解析1：审题

题目提出，一些人认为提升公共健康的方式是增加运动设施的数量，而另一部分人认为这个方法收效甚微，应当采取其他的方式。本题要求考生对事态双边分别进行讨论。这是一道双边中立型题目，也就是题目的双方都应当作为讨论的主体，在正反两方分别阐明原因和进行详细论述。结构段式范文分成了5段，正反主体各一段，因本题在反面观点中提出了“other measures are required”即需要采取其他方式来提升公共健康水平，因此考官范文另列一段说明。结尾做了双边总结，认为仅仅提升运动设备是远不够的，也应加入其他方式。

解析2：构思

范文首先在开头部分做了简单重述。在正文第二段，考官从现实出发，讲明现代社会，运动已经不再是生活必要部分，以及我们生活中花了较多时间保持坐着状态的主要的情况。以假设论证方法切入，指明如果有方便的运动设施我们则有很大可能性走出去而不是坐在电脑前。并且强调运动设施能够符合各个年龄层和不同爱好的要求，然后辅助举例说明比如我们可以选择我们喜欢的游泳项目而不是痛苦的足球项目。该段在论证逻辑上层层递进，严谨而有条理。且援引证据有足够的说服力。

而在正文第三段的反论部分，首先提出最大的问题是并不是所有人对运动都是感兴趣的，运动设施的设立可能导致的结局是吸引的是本身热爱运动的人，对于不爱运动的部分则没有强制性。接着表明事实上，安装器材鼓励效果是比较弱的，并且可能变成家庭成员间的娱乐互动。此处考官文章中表示这额外能提高孩子对运动的积极态度，笔者认为此句非常影响本段方面论述的立意，对该段论证没有积极支持效果，算是全文唯一的败笔部分。（见原文粗体部分）

接下去主体的第三部分，作者提出了两个其他方案：一是对垃圾食品征收高额税费来减少购买的人，二是在提升公共交通方面做一些调整使得交通线路过程中能迫使人们走更多的路。

全文表意清晰，文风地道，并援引合理佐证，是考生可以仔细参阅分析的一篇好范文。

解析3：文风亮点

文章不仅整体论证完整，支持论据逻辑条理清晰，说服力强，并且使用了相当地道和值得考生学习和效仿的语言表达。下面专家们总结了一些其中的优句：

A. A problem of modern societies is the declining level of health in the general population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend. 主表对换，目的为突出体现问题严重，后半句由with引出伴随部分是存在双边观点。此表达和立论方法相当有新意，能突出重点。

B. If there were easy-to-reach local sports centres, we would be more likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives, rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening. 此句表述严谨，在做了if引出的假设同时，提出可能性。表述连贯。If…it would be more likely to….rather than结构值得考生学习。

C. Interest in sport is not universal, and additional facilities might simply attract the already fit, not those who most need them. 后半句做补充说明，以句尾强调突出运动设施无法实现其真正立意价值。

D. Physical activity could be encouraged relatively cheaply, for example by installing exercise equipment in parks, as my local council has done. 举例恰到好处，最后一个小短句使得by后短语变得自然且避免句子过长影响理解的问题。

解析4：词汇运用（文中具体部分详见加红词组）

tackle 解决

Advocates of this believe that 支持者们认为…

collapsing in front of a screen 堕落于电脑屏幕前

cater for 适用于，满足…

be encouraged relatively cheaply 相对而言难以被鼓励

imposed 强加，强制性

excessive consumption 过度消耗

too narrow an approach 不充分的方法

desired results 期望结局

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