雅思6.5分小作文范文参考

发布时间：2019-09-28 21:45:17 来源：文档文库

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本次批改严格按照ILETS小作文评分标准进行。ILETS小作文评分项：TA (内容的完整性), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。文末会进行总评及打分。

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用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加

The graph provides the information concerning the average temperatures on a month basis in three major cities. (介于有两张图，都要提一下。此后可加一句：In addition, clearly demonstrated in the table are the time of sunshine on an annual base.) (补充：在下一段看到了你对于后一张图的总结，这样的话建议你在开头强调一下“the first graph”)

As can be seen from the graph, there is a similar trend in terms of average monthly temperature between London and New York during the period from January to December. (可加入连接词： To be specific) The average temperature in London (介于你后面写的是两个城市的数据，这里改为：for both of the cities) gradually rises from January to July both in London and new york, reaching a peak at 25 degrees and 20 degrees respectively. After that, the following 4 months witness a dramatic decrease both in London and new york. In comparison (这里不妨分段), an opposite trend is found in Sydney. It (这是悉尼的第一句，建议写出来具体的量词至少：The temperature) keeps stable at 25 degrees from January to march, after which the average temperature undergoes a considerable descent, reaching the bottom point at approximately 15 degrees, before there is (there is 没必要了，可以去除) a steady ascent by 10 degrees.

It is obvious that the table depicts the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. As we can see from the statistics, when it comes to the total annual hours of sunshine, new york ranks first, followed by Sydney , London lies last. Specifically, people who live in new york enjoy 2,353 hours of sunshine every year, which is similar to people living in London with 2,473 hours (不是人和人像，是时间长短像，改为：which is similar to the amount of sunshine for those in London). However, only 1,180 hours of sunshine are found in London annually.