C10 Test 1
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
One important stage in a child’s growth is certainly the development of a conscience, which is linked to the ability to tell right from wrong. This skill comes with time and good parenting, and my firm conviction is that punishment does not have much of a role to play in this. Therefore I have to disagree almost entirely with the given statement.
To some extent the question depends on the age of the child. To punish a very young child is both wrong and foolish, as an infant will not understand what is happening or why he or she is being punished. Once the age of reason is reached however, a child can be rewarded for good behavior and discouraged from bad. This kind but firm approach will achieve more than harsh punishments, which might entail many negative consequences unintended by the parents.
To help a child learn the difference between right and wrong, teachers and parents should firstly provide good role modeling in their own behavior. After that, if sanctions are needed, the punishment should not be of a physical nature, as that merely sends the message that it is acceptable for larger people to hit smaller ones - an outcome which may well result in the child starting to bully others. Nor should the punishment be in any way cruel.
Rather, teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to discipline their young charges, such as detention, withdrawal of privileges, and time-out. Making the punishment fit the crime is a useful notion, which would see children being made to pick up rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or apologize to someone they have hurt. In these ways responsibility is developed in the child, which leads to much better future behavior than does punishment.
Band：8.5
分析：这个作文题目的难度较大，主要因为话题本身具有难度，同时讨论这个话题也需要较大的词汇储备。
审题：这是一个discussion类作文，题目要求我们论证，是否应该使用惩罚的方式来教会孩子们辨别是非，并提出合适的惩罚方式。一般说来，我们会认为，不应该用体罚的方式，但当孩子犯错时，适当的惩罚是必要的。因此，我们需要论证清楚“为什么不应该用体罚的方式”，同时还要提出一些适当的惩罚方式。这是这个题目必须解决的两个问题。
思路：那么，怎么论证“不应该用体罚的方式”？自然地，我们会想到，体罚的方式不能实现教会孩子辨别是非，反而可能有害处。那么，为什么体罚的效果不好，有什么害处？本范文的论证思路是这样的：第二段从年龄的角度来说，太小的孩子根本不理解为什么被体罚，而孩子一旦长大，更好的方式又是以正面奖励的方式，因此，无论孩子的年龄大小，体罚都不是好的方式。第三段首先从正面提出，父母应该给孩子树立正面榜样，如果体罚，孩子们会错误地认为可以打人，于是在学校就会去欺负别的学生。这段就说清楚了体罚的坏处。【唐老雅认为，本范文从年龄的角度来论证体罚为什么不合适，是很聪明的做法，但其实并不算真正convincing，因为要论证体罚为什么不好，应该从体罚本身的坏处出发，比如体罚可能伤害孩子，体罚可能给孩子留下心理创伤，体罚可能教会孩子为暴力行为寻找理由，这些都不利于孩子成长为对社会有用的人。这样写虽然看起来更符合题意，但操作起来更难。而将孩子按照年龄来分，并分别说明体罚不合适，相对来说简单得多，容易写得清楚。因此，写作是一个选择行为，没有要求必须写什么，因此我们可以选择写那些与主题相关，同时又比较好表达的内容。】
最后一段提出合适的惩罚方式，范文使用了举例的手法【比如让孩子捡垃圾，清理杂物，道歉等】。但在最后一句进行了升华【唐老雅认为，高分作文的结尾必须要有升华，仅仅总结显得很单薄】：为了让孩子未来对社会更有用，培养孩子的责任心比体罚更重要。这样既让话题从新回到体罚，又不是简单地总结，而是升华到了“培养孩子责任心”。
语言：用词幅度大，丰富，句型变化多端，复杂句正确而合适。比如，development of a conscience; my firm conviction is that...;(harsh punishments) might entail many negative consequences...; sanctions, etc.
长句：（1）After that, if sanctions are needed, the punishment should not be of a physical nature, as that merely sends the message that it is acceptable for larger people to hit smaller ones - an outcome which may well result in the child starting to bully others. （2）Making the punishment fit the crime is a useful notion, which would see children being made to pick up rubbish they have dropped, clean up graffiti they have drawn, or apologise to someone they have hurt.
唐老雅建议：本范文结构有模仿价值。6-7分段学生可以模仿本范文的写作思路，但不宜模仿语言；5-6分段学生可以考虑将本范文中的思路进一步简化（比如举更简单的例子，说理时更直接了当一些），然后按照范文结构，以更简单清楚的语言重新写。
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