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幽默英文笑话

How many vice presidents 副主管多着呢
Tom was so excited about his promotion1 to Vice2 President of the company he worked for and kept bragging3 about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing. They even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!" "Really?" Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decide to call the grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says. "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"
The clerk replies. "Canned or frozen?"
汤姆被公司提拔为副主管，汤姆太兴奋了，几周以来一直在妻子面前夸耀着。最后，妻子实在忍无可忍，就跟汤姆说：“听着，这没什么，杂货店里卖豌豆的还有副主管呢!”
“真的吗?”汤姆不确定这是真是假，于是决定打电话给杂货店。一个售货员接了电话，汤姆问：“能让管豌豆的副主管接电话吗?” 售货员回复：“是要负责罐装的还是负责冷冻的副主管呢?” Giving you a new start 让你重新获得新生
One day Mark Twain read an announcement of his death in a newspaper. He hastened to the editor to protect.
"I am very sorry," the editor replied. "It's a terrible mistake, but it's too late to do much about it. The best thing I can do for you is to put you in the Birth Column tomorrow morning and give you a new start."
一天，马克·吐温在报上读到一则关于他的死亡讣告。他急忙赶到编辑那儿以示抗议。

“非常抱歉，”编辑说，“这是一个可怕的错误，但是要弥补已为时太晚。我唯一能为您做的事情是将您刊登在明天早晨出版的广告出生栏中，让您重新获得新生。” She Didn't Laugh 她没有笑
The boss was telling jokes. Everyone laughed uproariously. But a girl sitting in the corner was not amused.
"What's the matter?" complained the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor1?" The girl said, "Oh, don't have to laugh, as I'm leaving tomorrow." 老板在讲笑话，大家都在哈哈大笑，可是坐在角落里的一个姑娘没有被逗乐。老板不满地说：“怎么啦?你就没有一点幽默感吗?”姑娘回答说：“哦，我不用笑，因为我明天就要离职了。” Different idea 想法不同
A young man and his girlfriend were sitting together imagining their happy life in the future.
The young man said, "How free and happy it would be, if we were two little birds, then we could fly out into the great world and build our nest in the top of a tree."
But his girlfriend said, "I think it would be much more enjoyable to be married and to have a flat with two rooms and a toilet, a bath room, a kitchen with a gas stove and warm water."
一个小伙子和他的女朋友坐在一起，想象他们未来的幸福生活。
小伙子说：“假若我们是两只小鸟，能飞到广阔的天地去，把我们的窝建筑在树顶上，那会多么自由快乐呀!”
可是她的女友说：“我认为结了婚，有一套两室一厅的住房，有卫生间、洗澡间和带煤气灶与热水的厨房，那会更加惬意得多。” The farmer and barber 农场主和理发师
When life was very hard, a farmer said to a barber1: "Now corn's lower2 in price. I think you should shave for half price."
"I can't, sir," said the barber, "I really should charge more because when corn's cheap, farmers are unhappy and worried. All of them make such long

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