I Won’t Be Marginalized By Kelly Marie Tran
《星球大战8》演员凯莉·玛丽·陈勇敢为自己发声
Editors’ note: The actress deleted her Instagram posts in the summer of 2018 in response to online harassment (骚扰行为). Here she speaks out for the first time.
It was not their words; it was that I started to believe them.
Their words seemed to confirm what growing up as a woman and a person of color already taught me: I belonged in margins and spaces, valid only as a minor (次要的) character in their lives and stories.
Those words awakened something deep inside me — a feeling I thought I had grown out of. The same feeling I had when, at nine, I stopped speaking Vietnamese (越南语) altogether because I was tired of hearing other kids mock me.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I started blaming myself. I thought, “Oh, maybe if I was thinner” or “Maybe if I grew out my hair” and, worst of all, “Maybe if I wasn’t Asian.” For months, I went down a spiral (漩涡) of self-hate, into the darkest recesses (深处) of my mind, places where I tore myself apart, where I put their words above my own self-worth.
And it was then that I realized I had been lied to.
I had been brainwashed (洗脑) into believing that my existence was limited to the boundaries of another person’s approval. I had been tricked into thinking that I was beautiful only if someone else believed it, regardless of my own opinion. I had been told and retold this by everyone: the media, Hollywood, and companies that profited from my insecurities, manipulating (驱使) me into buying their clothes, make-up and shoes.
I am not the first person to have grown up this way. This is what it is to grow up as a person of color in a white-dominated world. This is what it is like to be a woman in a society that has taught its daughters that we are worthy of love only if we are considered attractive by its sons. This is the world I grew up in, but not the world I want to leave behind.
I want to live in a world where children of color don’t spend their entire adolescence (青春期) wishing to be white. I want to live in a world where women are not subjected to scrutiny (仔细审视) for their appearance, actions or general existence. I want to live in a world where all people are seen as what they have always been: human beings.{1}
I know that I now belong to a small group of privileged (有特权的) people who get to tell stories for a living, stories that are heard, seen and digested by a world that for so long has tasted only one thing. I know how important that is.
You might know me as Kelly.
I am the first woman of color to have had a leading role in a Star Wars movie.
I am the first Asian woman to appear on the cover of Vanity Fair (《名利场》).
My real name is Loan. And I am just getting started.
（选自dailymail）
1. The underlined word in Paragraph 3 probably means “______.”
A.to speak too highly of
B.to secretly help
C.to constantly interrupt
D.to make fun of
2. What can we infer from the article about the author?
A.For a long time she felt inferior to other people.
B.She is unlikely to change the world for the better.
C.She had not left her native country until the age of nine.
D.She abandoned her real name because it was hard to pronounce.
译文：
编者注：这位女演员在2018年夏季删除了她在Instagram上的帖子，以回应骚扰行为。她在这里第一次说话。
这不是他们的话。就是我开始相信他们。
他们的话似乎证实了一个女人和一个有色人种的成长已经教会了我：我属于边缘和空白，仅在他们的生活和故事中作为次要人物有效。
这些话唤醒了我内心深处的某种感觉，我以为我已经长大了。当我九岁时完全停止说越南语时，我有一种相同的感觉，因为我厌倦了听到其他孩子嘲笑我的情况。
尽管我不愿承认，但我开始自责。我以为，“哦，也许我比我苗条”或“也许，如果我长出了头发”，最糟糕的是，“也许，如果我不是亚洲人。”几个月以来，我陷入了自我仇恨的漩涡中，进入了我心中最黑暗的凹处，在这些地方我感到自己与众不同，在这些地方我把自己的话放在了自我价值之上。
那时我才意识到自己被骗了。
我被洗脑了，以为我的存在仅限于他人认可的范围。我被欺骗了，以为只有在别人相信我的情况下我才是美丽的，而不管我自己的看法如何。每个人都告诉我并转告了我：媒体，好莱坞以及那些从我的不安全中获利的公司，他们操纵我购买他们的衣服，化妆品和鞋子。
我不是第一个以这种方式长大的人。这就是在白人统治的世界中成长为有色人种的方式。这就是在社会上成为一个女人，教给他们的女儿我们只有当我们的儿子认为我们具有爱心时才值得爱的感觉。这是我长大的世界，但不是我想落后的世界。
我想生活在一个这样的世界中，有色儿童没有整个青春期都希望成为白人。我希望生活在一个妇女的容貌，举止或普遍存在不受到严格审查的世界。我想生活在一个所有人都被视为永远的世界：人类。
我知道我现在属于一小群有特权的人，他们以讲故事为生，被一个世界所听到，看到和消化的故事长久以来只尝过一件事。我知道那很重要。
我是第一个在《星球大战》电影中扮演主角的有色女人。
我是第一个出现在《名利场》封面上的亚裔女性。
我的全名是贷款。我才刚刚开始。
单词：
1. marginalize v. to make a person or a group of people unimportant and powerless in an unfair way 使（某人或某群体）显得不重要，使边缘化
e.g. As English takes over as the main language, the country’s native language has become marginalized.
→ margin n. 边缘地带
2. valid adj. legally or officially acceptable 有效的，正式认可的
e.g. Your return ticket is valid for three months.
3. awaken v. if sth. awakens an emotion, interest, memory, etc. it makes you suddenly begin to feel that emotion 激发起，唤起
e.g. Early involvement in music can awaken an interest that will last a lifetime.
4. approval n. when sb. likes sth. or sb., or thinks that they are good 赞许，赞同
e.g. His ideas have won widespread public approval.
→ approve v. 赞许，赞同
5. subject sb./sth. to sth. to make sb. or sth. experience an unpleasant or worrying thing 使经受，使遭受
e.g. The investigation found that they had been subjected to unfair treatment.
答案：1.D 2.A
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