英语幽默短剧剧本

英语幽默短剧剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿

旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。

第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .

Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is ing in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

Y与X相遇．

X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !

Y:, Never mind baby.

X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?

Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?

X:Iamximenchuixue.

Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?

X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!

Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!

X:No, I must kill you !

Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!

X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?

Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!

X:Pardon!

(Y拿出一袋牛奶)

X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?

Y:please drink it!

X喝完牛奶:Thanks,

Y:Do you still want to kill me ?

X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?

X:I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!

X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !

Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit

（一人路过，x起身跑过去）

X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .

Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!

X:Thanks,byebye.

Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)

Y:Who are you?

H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?

Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .

H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !

Y:You are right !

H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my

king,he will give what you want.

Y:Yes,It’s very good.

H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

第二幕：无间道

H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.

K:sit down plese, yegucheng.

Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?

King:yes,I will.

Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?

K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……

Y:of course.

美女出场

M:hello，帅锅..

K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.

H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter

what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?

Y: Yes,I do.

K: Huamanlou, e . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）

X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!

K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?

Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.

X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!

X:Forgive you? Why ?

Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell

you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!

X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milk?I love you.

K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !

X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?e, e…(Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:Fuck you. I must kill you!

X:How can you kill me? haha……

Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑

到西门吹雪身边）

Y :do you want to go to wc?

X:Yes,I……I…… do.

Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.

M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !

K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?

M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?

Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.

M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and

tomorrow is a good beginning !

K:what a moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !

M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !

(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)

Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)

（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）

M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .

X:go home ! ?

M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.

X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.

M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,

M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !

搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》

人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。

农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A cool farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle School.So, I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern

mobile——Nokia WC 250！This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’s this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do you know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~You are out!!It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表] It is time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]

树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅] Oh?There es a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台]

兔子A：OK,I’m a rabbit. Now I’m just walking around here.

[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]

农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走]

[农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]

兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）What do you want?

农夫：Huh…！I will kill U for lunch!

兔子A： Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]

农夫：Where~ to go? Haha!

[农夫开了一枪“砰”(配音)。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪，同上。 农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]

兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳舞边说]You can't hurt me! You can't hurt me！

树：[痛苦万分地]But…you…Hurt me….[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后]

[兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现]农夫：Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来]

兔子A：Ha ha ha ha! You can’t kill me now！ [兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树] Wa ！[倒地]

农夫：OH! [很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [把兔子绑到树上。打呵欠]tired! I’ll eat you after sleeping.[倒地睡觉]（打鼾的声音）

兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶]Where am I? What happened?

树：[指着农夫]He has caught you and wants to eat you.

兔子A：What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape？[东张西望，看到农夫的手机]A mobile![解开绳子去看手机]It’s Nokia WC 250! Wow,how fashion![放回原处。又自觉地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来]A mobile！Maybe I can call some one to help me！ [又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机][做出打电话的样子] (配音：拨电话) Hello？

兔子B：Hello!It’s Jenny.

兔子A：Hey Jenny！

兔子B：Oh,hey Mary!

兔子A：How are you?

兔子B：Fine,thank you.And U?

兔子A：I’m fine too!How are your parents?

兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And U?

兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle?

兔子B：He’s fine,thank you!And U?

兔子A：He’s fine , too! How…

兔子B：Eh..eh..eh~wait.But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from me…NO WAY!!!

兔子A：No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!!!

兔子B：But where are you?

兔子A：I’m under a tree!

兔子B：[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现]What can you see around you?

兔子A：I see a rabbit …that looks exactly like you!

兔子B：A rabbit…like me… OK!I’ll find you.Just a second!Wait for me! I will help you!

[匆匆离开]

[兔子A 打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，然后又很自觉地要把自己绑回了树上]

兔子A：Haha!My friend will e and save me~!yeah! [兴奋过度，后仰，头又撞倒树上,倒地](虚弱地)Oh!Hurt! Call 110~Or 119?112?...Oh,forget it!I’m dying![作喉咙卡住声音，死去]

[兔子B上。]兔子B：I’m also a rabbit！I’m smart! I’m lovely! And I’m (作风情万

种)beautiful! （自我陶醉）[转头看自己右手边，却发现兔子A倒在地上]Oh,my!MaryI’m so sorry,Mary!I’m too late!5555555~~~~~~Mary![痛苦而夸张地转身敲打树]

树：Oh!Oh,don’t hit me.!Don’t hit me!I’m ~~brea~ken![朝地上倒，压倒兔子B]

兔子B：What?NO..NO!~~...I…can’t….breath……(作死了的声音)

[农夫一觉醒来。看见两只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?!Oh,thanks god!How lucky I am![兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场]

郑 Aside [??said]：（Class will start soon）

旁白：马上要上课了

方 Tom:Joe,could I see your position[?k?mp??z??n] ?

Tom:Joe,我可以看看你的作文吗？

杰 Joe：OK。

Joe：好吧。

Aside：（Tom copies the position and hand in it.In a short time,the teacher e in with a book.）

旁白：Tom抄袭了作文并交了上去。不一会儿，老师拿着一本书进来了

然 Teacher: Class begin!

老师：上课！

肖 class monitor['m?n?t?(r)] ：Stand up!

班长：起立！

All the students:Good afternoon,Ms.Green.

全体同学：下午好，格莱恩女士。

Teacher:Good afternoon,class.Sit down,please.

老师：下午好，同学们。请坐。

Teacher：Before class, I want to ask you a question: Did you do your homework by yourselves?If you do,please put up your hands.

老师：在上课之前，我想问你们一个问题：你们是独立完成家庭作业吗？如果你这样 做，请举手。

Aside：(All the students put up their hands.)

旁白：（所有学生都举起了手。）

Teacher: But Tom, your position on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother， Joe’s. Did you copy his?

老师: 但是Tom, 你的作文"我的狗狗"里写的东西和你哥哥Joe写得一模一样. 你是 不是抄袭了他的?

Tom: No Ms.Green, it’s the same dog.

Tom: 不是这样的,老师! 我们俩养的是同一只狗狗.

Aside：(The teacher is angry.At the same time,Frank ing.)

旁白：（老师有一些生气。与此同时，Frank进来了）

王 Frank:Sorry,I’m late.May I e in?

Frank:对不起，我迟到了。我可以进来吗？

Teacher: Why are you late, Frank?Don't you konw it's already[?l?r?di] 9:00. 老师: Frank, 说为什么你迟到了.你难道不知道现在几点了，都九点了！！！

Frank : Because??because of the sign.

Frank: 因为,,因为那个标志.

Teacher: What sign?

老师: 神马标志??

Frank : The one that says “School Ahead[??hed], Go Slow”.

Frank: 那个写着,前方是, 慢行!!的标志...

Little Robert asked his mother for two yuan.his mother asked:"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two yuan more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field [fi:ld]nearby[?ni?bai], so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir." 一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗？” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

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