My own swordsman
——SOMA剧团
秀才 姬无命 小贝 小郭 小六
无双 掌柜（佟湘玉） 老白（白展堂）
旁白：This is a part of the TV series My own swordsman , namely “武林外传” in Chinese. In this part, Ji Wuming, an offender who was sent to prison from Tongfu Hotel, escaped from the Prison, and returned to the Tongfu Hotel to revenge! However, he has lost most of his memory; in other words, he forgets almost everything that once happened in the hotel. Frightened, the people in the hotel decide to run away, and our story begins!
Act One
旁白：Ji Wuming, an evil bloody robber, was arrested by chance, thanks for those who live the Tongfu hotel, and has sadly lost his memory.
小六：Everybody, bad news...
无双：Ji Wuming, the king of thieves, has been witnessed in our town!
小六：(Cough)
无双：Sorry, sir!
小六：Ji Wuming is extremely dangerous...
无双：He is one of the most bloody baddies in our country. He can kill an innocent child without mercy. And he has defeated two officers from the capital city!
小六：(Cough)
无双：Sorry, sir!
小六：If anyone find the clue of Ji Wuming, inform us immediately. Clear?
姬：You’re talking about me? I seem to be very famous. Money or your life? Make a choice.
小六：Take care of my grandpa the seventh!
（众人四散奔逃)
姬：Don’t you try to escape!
小贝 ：Sister, help! (Scared and drop down the sugared haws)
(Ji steps on the bunch of sugared haws and fell down)
无双：Sunflower hand acu (acupuncture)!
小贝 ：No, my sugared haws! You must compensate for my sugared haws! Compensate!
小郭：（With a rolling pin(擀面杖) in the hand）Here you are, punish him however you want!
小贝 ：Sugared haws! You just cannot understand what they mean to a woman!
(Xiao Liu wraps Ji with the rope)
无双：Sunflower hand acu (acupuncture)!
(Ji struggles, yet failed, and was struck heavily by Xiao Bei, thus he has laost his memory ever since)
姬：Who are you? Why you seize me? Set me free! I’m... I’m... Who am I?
小郭：Quiet! Row mountain pour sea!
(Ji fainted)
(Everyone cheers up)
Act Two
旁白：Xiucai hosts a knowledge competition, yet his rich knoeledge seem useless when facing the return of Ji Wuming.
秀才：Welcome to see the knowledge Competition held by the Tongfu hotel. Now on stage are me, Dr Lv, and contestant No. 1, Mo Xiaobei. Question 1, who wrote the poet “Chun Jiang Hua Yue Ye”? A, Zhang Ruoxu; B, Li Bai; C, Du Fu; D, Zhang Bozhi.(音乐”当当”)
老白：（whisper to 秀才）Who’s Zhang Bozhi?
秀才： (whisper) Nobody, I made it up.
小贝：I... I want to turn to the audience.
秀才：OK, my dear audience, who do you think is the right answer? Please scream out the choice!
(众人七嘴八舌，最终敲定D项)
小贝：I trust most people’s opinion, I choose D!
秀才：Are you sure?
小郭：Decided, fixed and confirmed!
秀才：Oh god, I can’t believe it. Have ever read “资治通鉴”?
(众人摇头)
秀才：And “One million questions”, and “Three thousand questions of Lanmao and Taoqi”?
(众人再次摇头)
秀才：(轻蔑地笑)A bunch of shallow fellows!
掌柜：Yeah, we’re so shallow, so stupid that we cannot even succeed in the Keju Exam.
掌柜：Xiao Bei, go to my room and finish your homework. There’s no point of wasting your time here.
(掌柜、小贝下)
小郭：And you, our smart Dr Lv, why can’t you ever succeed in becoming a Juren?
秀才：I study for fun! Sage said that “Kowledge is power.”
掌柜：Which sage?
秀才：Bacon…
(无双、小六上)
小六：Everybody, bad news!
无双：Ji Wuming has escaped from prison！
(众人围住无双，丢下秀才)
白：Impossible! He is held in the prison under the authority of the Ministry of punishments!
小六：A terrible earthquake just hit the capital city, and the prison was damaged. A lot of criminals ran away, including Ji Wuming!
白：But why is only Ji Wuming wanted?
小六：Most escaped criminals have been caught...
无双：Yet only Ji Wuming is at large!
小六：It’s probable that he has returned for revenge...
秀才：Hi, guys! Let me expand on the remark “Kowledge is power”. I’m not finished yet.
小郭：What the hell are you talking about? Can your knowledge help fight Ji Wuming?
秀才：Well, to some degree yes!
小郭：Anyway, show off to us.(握关节) Come on show your power! Come on!
秀才：You, you’re ignorant! Ignorant!
(小郭追秀才下，众人慌忙下)
Act Three
旁白：Bai Zhantang and Tong Xiangyu are busy preparing for escape. However, Lv Xiucai just want to show everyone the reason why knowledge is power.
白（急）：Pack your essentials, and we should run away immediately!
掌柜： Why? Are you okay, Zhantang?
白：Ji has escaped from prison!
小贝：Alas! It’s no more terrible than I thought. If he dares to come, I will strike him with a stick, just as before.
白：And I will just wait for collecting your body. No one knows how violent he is. If there was no exception for him, we would not have the slightest chance of talking alive here today.
掌柜（面露紧张）：Then what shall we do, now?
白：We can do nothing but run away as soon as possible.
掌柜(转向贝)：Xiao Bei, it’s not time for studying now, go informing Xiucai and Xiaoguo. Hurry!
（秀才进）
贝：Here Xiucai is ,gotta inform Xiaoguo!
秀才：Well, I come to make you know why I say knowledge is power!
掌柜（摔掉手中的书）:Don’t you see we are busy? Translate it to Xiaoguo!
秀才：No. She will hit me.
白：（放下手中东西，指着秀才）If you don’t go, I will hit you
秀才：It is better to say something than do for a gentleman.
掌柜：（把秀才向门外推）I’m not gentleman! Get out.
秀才： Alas... Is it so difficult to accept the truth?
掌柜：（收拾手中的手饰） Ok, say it!
秀才：Well…
掌柜：Say!
秀才：Let’s start from the relationship between the universe and the human being.
白：Excellent! Wonderful! Take the pillow or not?
秀才：But, what are you doing?
掌柜：We’re ignorant. Continue. Where is my mirror?
秀才：But you…
掌柜:We are stupid! Okay? Get out, I beg you. Well, where is Dazui?
白：He goes to rent a trio.
掌柜：All packed and ready to go?
（楼下传来打斗声，碗碟破碎声，老白，掌柜的出）
Act Four
旁白：Xiucai defeats Ji Wuming, with his wisdom and机智, thus improving ”Knowledge is power”.
白：Sunflower hand acu (acupuncture)!(被打退)
姬：Who are you? Why do you attack me?
小贝：Then when shall we go? My god! Ji Wuming!
姬：（姬拉过小贝）Do you know me? Tell me who I am! Who make me so unhappy!
无双：Leave it to me! Sunflower hand acu( acupuncture)! (被打退)
姬：Young lady, you’re just a green hand!
(小贝咬姬无命，姬欲扇其耳光)
掌柜：Stop! She’s your daughter, your flesh and blood!
姬：What?
掌柜：Yes! She’s our child, honey…（呼天抢地状）During the days when you’re absent, Xiao Bei and I could hardly make it!
姬：Really? I had a family? Oh my dear...
掌柜：No! I...I don’t love you anymore. I decide to leave you.
姬：What? Why?
掌柜：You’ve been so tough to me! It’s you who should get out!
姬：Ok, I will leave you and take our daughter with me.
掌柜：No! I have betrayed you, Lao Bai and I gave birth to Xiao Bei!
白：What? you shouldn’t tell this kind of lies!
掌柜:I have no choice!
姬：Whose daughter the hell she is？
（秀才上）
掌柜：Yours...no...（指秀才）his! We had her secretly and I don’t love you any more!
姬：What? His daughter? You beast!
秀才：Wait! Sage said that “Force cannot settle any problem!”
众人：Said who?
秀才：Dr LV-QING-HOU!
姬(angry)：Nonsense. I won’t show mercy to you.
小郭：(comes out)the row mountain pour sea,(pushed back by Ji’s arm elbow system) Alas!.
姬: Next time recruit, there is no need to speak out! Taking a life. （对秀才）Your life!
秀才：Wait! Of course you can kill me, but before I die, please tell me it’s who that kills me.
姬：Crap! Me, of course!
秀才：Who is “me”?
姬：How can I know who you are !
秀才(smile)：Well ,there comes the question.
姬：What on earth do you mean?
秀才：Let’s begin with the relationship between the universe and human beings. Take yourself for example, there must be a question bothering you since the day you were born, isn’t it?
姬：Which question?
秀才：Who am I?
姬：I’ve already known.
秀才：Really? No, you don’t actually know. Who are you? Are you Ji Wuming? No, it is only a name, a code name. You can be called Ji Wuming, me too, and so can they. But when we take off the code name, who are you?
姬：I…I don’t know... And I don’t need to know!
秀才：Alright, then answer me another question---who am I?
姬：This question has been asked just now.
秀才：No, what I asked you just now is me, and this time, is myself!
姬：There’s no difference ever.
秀才：For instance, when I take the use of code name “me” to make a dialogue, your code name is “me” too. Dose not it mean that you are me and I am you?
姬：This…This question doesn’t make any sense ever!
秀才：Ok, let’s talk about something meaningful. Where do I come from? Where will I end? Why am I in the world? What is the significance of my coming into the world? Does the world choose me or I choose the world or?
姬(angry)：Enough!
秀才：Is there any certain relationship between the universe and me? Is there an edge for the universe? Dose time have an end? Where did the past time disappear? Where will the future stop? Is what I’m asking now is what you have just heard?
姬(angry)：I kill you!
秀才(with louder voice)：Who kills me, and who is killed by me!
姬(silent for a long time)：I...kill myself?
秀才：Congratulations! You are right! Then do it!
（Ji Wuming hit himself on his head with deadly kung fu grip, his body falls onto the floor. ）
秀才：He wouldn’t get up again, would he?
白：（摸其呼吸） Never!
小郭：Who can explain the case?
秀才(smile)： Knowledge is power! （众人赞叹的表情，Applause ）Thank you for seeing see the Knowledge Competition held by the Tongfu hotel. See you next time at the weekly Knowledge Competition!
（音乐响起，集体舞，全剧终）
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