In the story “Where are you going, Where have you been?” by Joyce Carol Oates, the main character, Connie, experiences life not having an actively participating mother or father. Most adolescents struggle with the transition from teen-age years to adulthood. For many, this is where the parents step in. Parents are meant to support and help an adolescent when needed, especially during this difficult transition; however, this is not always true. In Connie’s case, her parents allowed her to make the change alone and endure hard times. As a result, she lacked the values needed to survive. Such values are used to equip a young person for the real world and the tragedies that come with it. As seen in “Where are you going, Where have you been?”, Connie was a victim of poor guidance and empty judgment. The dysfunctional family’s behavior was reflected in Connie. Her mother envied her, and her father was not an active figure in her life. Connie's relationship with her mother was described as the reverse of an ideal relationship between mother and child. In their relationship they have a difficult time getting along on a regular basis. There were times when Connie wished her mother were dead and everything was all over. In fact, Connie was indirectly taught to search for death—“wished…herself was dead” and, in turn, acted rebellious. Since no cooperation existed between either party, family progress was shunned. The lack of a father figure also effected Connie’s development. Her father took a backseat in her life due to his frequent absences—he was not active and fills his time with work and when at home, he ate and went directly to bed. With her father never around, she felt a sense of abandonment. Such a lurking feeling explains why she goes out of her way to meet older men and does not immediately call the cops on Arnold. Jealousy plays a role in Connie’s moral degeneration. Both June and the mother showed jealously, and the mother tended to show more favoritism to
her sister. Connie mimics the rejection she experienced by forgoing the barbeque (symbolizing a family bonding opportunity and staying home alone. More importantly, the anger Connie built up due to other factors, also led her to purposely not remember what her parents, if anything, taught. She feels underappreciated and depends on the approval of others. By being neglected by both of her parents, she turns to her friends and media, who also lack values, for approval. The absence of sufficient direction resulted in Connie’s lack of discipline and judgment. Teens have to make important decisions that affect their lives. The decisions can be difficult, but with a parent's help, things run more smoothly. In the story, Connie experiences not having an active mother or father in her life; as a result, she takes her life into her own hands and makes decisions based on how she feels. Her whimsical decisions are mirrored by her poor reasoning. Since Connie did not have one-on-one interaction with her parents, she could not fully exercise her common sense. This was seen when she and her friend recklessly cross the highway to go to the restaurant in order to flirt with older men—had she not done so, the encounter with Arnold Friend would have been avoided. Connie did not have parental involvement or any known morals; therefore she was prone to be open to any form of pop-culture presented to her. Music alleviated her mind and helped her “drown out the quiet”. It served as a tool she used to establish her own life guidelines based on “hard, fast, shrieking songs”. By using her unique “morals”, she was characterized by values that had no backbone to defend her against society. When challenged, Connie did not have any instilled values to rely upon. She was forced to succumb to Arnold Friend’s charm. Although, there was an element of the supernatural, since she was not strong willed, she fell to him. Without true lessons to fall upon, when Arnold Friend comes around, she failed her “life test”. Arnold signified the test that helped determine whether Connie had any guidance within her. Even though she had fully matured (seen through her
sacrifice for her family, she was unable to learn or apply any of her life lessons. When approached by Arnold Friend at first, she was skeptical but was still charmed by him. As she began to feel uneasy, Connie could have used her intuition to realize that he was trouble. Once she had been engaged by Arnold, her life was over. The influences on Connie and her lack of instilled reasoning led to her down fall. Her family’s fragmented nature was echoed in her actions; consequently, she was unable to communicate with her parents, and she was never was able to learn anything of significance. She felt abandoned and rejected, because no one took the initiative to teach her how to make good decisions. Connie was unable to mature until she was faced with death and self sacrifice. In the end, her situation made it difficult for her to think and reason beyond the position she was in. By not being able apply insight, she fell into Arnold Friends lure. Misguidance by the parents strongly contributed to Connie’s death.
